Friday 2 May 2014

another year

A month ago today, I turned 27.

Waking to yet another poorly day, I'm struggling to find any hint of improvement; my body is still aching, I am still exhausted. The calendar tells me that I am another year older. The warm breeze through the open window confirms the seasons have changed. And yet I am still sick. The urge to kick off the bedsheets once and for all is great.

I'm back to square one at the moment, large stretches of the day spent alternating between our bed and the sofa. Yet all around me, friends are spreading their wings. On the horizon for them: babies, weddings, more rungs on the career ladder, adventures in sunnier climbs. If I think about it when I'm tired, I'll only let the green eyed monster of jealousy into my heart and that won't do me any good at all.

So it's best to focus on other things, closer to home. From here in my bed, my mind sets sail on an adventure. Wild garlic down by the river. Picnics in the woods. New woolly projects on my needles and wheel. With a conscious effort, I can let happy thoughts flood my daydreams. Longer days are imminent and I look forward to sunny ones pottering around on our balcony. There is much to mourn. But there is even more to be thankful for.

1 comment:

  1. I love your positivity, Fran - with chronic illness I think it's so important to (as Faye - - puts it) to 'cultivate the habit of being grateful'. Sending big hugs and bisous and hoping that there will be improvements coming your way soon, and that by next year you will be able to spread your wings, too.
    Katharine xx